First post.

I wanted to make something separate from my regular blog so that I can be moody or excited without worrying about what the rest of the reader of my blog think.

Today, I'm slightly moody. I worked my ass off all semester, and I got little to no credit for it during my review. Given the people who reviewed me haven't said more than one thing to me in years - one person I didn't even know. I make a point of reading my written review over about 8 times, then set it down and read it again in a few months. That way, all the important things stick out as opposed to the "Well what did they mean by that?"s and "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"S that I'd normally obsess over.

I don't want to say that I was looking for compliments so much as recognition. I've never taken on so much work in my life as I did this semester, and I'd like to think I held the weight pretty well. I feel empowered by my successes this last semester, and to have my reviewers not share these victories with me is a little disheartening, but they weren't there, so they couldn't know. I honestly can't blame them for not seeing all the good things, and, in my eyes, when someone points out only the bad about something in a piece, it's because all of the good is speaking for itself.

So I'll take what I can and try to improve, but I'm only going to do it for myself. I'm listening to my own advice and my own aesthetic for once, and that's been working well for me. I like the way I've been working and so do all of the important people in my life. I'm not opposed to learning new things, but when are they going to see my pieces as finishes instead of practice? This is how it will be, and whatever changes is my choice.

I don't want anyone to think I need a pat on the back every 5 minutes to stay sane. What I draw may not be everyone's cup of tea - that's all.


Yet I can't help feeling I have something to prove.
And maybe that's the motivation I need to get better.